Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
