Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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