I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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