looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
