He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
