That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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