are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
