We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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