I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
