i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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