So drunk its hurt
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
