Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
