Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
