The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
