OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
