Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
