She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
