i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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