I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
