What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
