you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Everything about him screamed your future.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
