In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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