Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
