I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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