I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
