I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
