I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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