I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
