Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
