So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
this hospital has no fireball
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
