I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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