Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
