Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
