I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm like, not good at living.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
