Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
