I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
