Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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