Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
