I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
