Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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