If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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