Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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