just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
