I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
