Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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