I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
