do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
