I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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