Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
