Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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