She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
